Problems in The Bedroom? Sara Dimerman Is Here to Help!

   

Psychologist Sara Dimerman is back with a brand new book aimed at helping couples solve intimacy issues, and is a very informative and interesting read. Why Married Couples Don't Have Sex (At Least Not With Each Other) comes out February 24th, 2015 and is a must read for anyone experiencing any difficulty in the bedroom. She uncovers and explains underlying issues in relationships that contribute to the problem and aims to get couples back on track.

Here is a Q&A with the author:

1) What prompted you to write this book?  

As I write about at the beginning of the book, my epiphany came about when facilitating a discussion for moms and babes at a salsa moms dancing class. I had been invited to talk about Life After Baby and the discussion kept leading back to how their sex lives had changed since the birth of their child. This, in combination with what I had heard in my practice for almost 25 years, inspired me to write this book.

2) What percentage of couples would you say have sexual intimacy issues?

Research indicates that its at least a third of all couples that experience issues with sexual intimacy but my experience, along with anecdotal stories, leads me to believe that it's higher than that. I'd peg it at about 40 percent of married couples are in a chronic state of concern around sexual intimacy but that this percentage is even higher when you consider that all couples experience periods of sexual drought during their relationship - as a result of many different factors.

3) What is the best way for someone to begin a dialogue with their spouse or partner if they are not happy with the current state of their sex life? 

Reading excerpts to one another from my book would be a good springboard into discussion, especially if you choose segments that are more relatable. Sometimes, the discussion is best suited for a therapist's office because this time has been set aside for discussion and there are no other distractions. If a couple can, scheduling an away from home date to discuss concerns is a good beginning. It's best not to bring the concerns up during a heated argument or at a time when you can't see the conversation through.

4) What is the #1 tip that you can give to assist couples in improving their sex life and intimacy? 

I think too many spouses are unaware or have false opinions as to why their sex life or intimacy has diminished. Sometimes this is as a result of excuses that have been used to hide real reasons for the distance that has developed over time. Sometimes a partner will fabricate reasons in his or own head. Regardless, opening up dialogue so that each can understand where the other is truly coming from and then, acknowledging your partners concern and being genuinely motivated to help each other feel better and work towards change as a couple, is key. 

5) Parents are so busy these days. For those that don't have the time to read the whole book, which chapter do you consider to be the most important?

That's a hard question because I think that each reader, parent or not, will relate to certain parts of the book more than others. I'd rather suggest that the reader either skim through the book and focus on sections that are most relevant to him or her or that he or she take time to read it from cover to cover - even if it takes time.

6) While weight & body issues are the #1 reason for women to avoid sex, what is the #1 reason that men do this? 

I think that there are 2 high up on the list of reasons why men avoid sex: the first is related to a change in being able to perform as he once did - resulting in anxiety about performing which often becomes a vicious circle and inhibits his even wanting to try. The other is related to feeling rejected so often that he either gives up (with his spouse anyway) or gives her a dose of her own medicine if or when she does initiate intimacy. 

7) What can people do to remove or reduce the stigma associated with seeking help with regards to sexual intimacy issues? 

Actually, I think that the stigma is greatly reduced already. Talking about sex - good and bad - is often the subject at social gatherings, for example. In addition, sex consumer shows have helped to put sex and looking for ways to spice up one's sexual relationship, into mainstream society. A continuation of being exposed to sex and what works through books such as mine and even educational sex shows on TV, for example, helps to reduce any remaining stigma and allows people to grow increasingly comfortable in wanting to learn more and to get help when things aren't great.

8) Is it always necessary to seek professional help if a couple is experiencing issues in the bedroom? If so, what type of counselling should they be looking for? 

It's not absolutely necessary if they can work things out on their own or with the guidance of books and educational videos or TV shows. Also, there are many classes offered on enhancing intimacy at many sex shops. If they do decide to go the counselling route, looking for a registered therapist who has experience working with couples - especially around intimacy or sexual issues, is advisable.

Sara Dimerman provides counselling to individuals, couples and families, and is the Director of the Parent Education and Resource Centre in Thornhill, Ontario. She is a speaker on issues related to parenting and relationships and is the author of  3 other titles. She also contributes to many publications and websites around the world. For more information on Sara Dimerman, please visit her website HelpMeSara.com.

***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****

    

You've Gotta Pack This When Travelling with Children!

   

When travelling out of the country with young children, my motto is "plan for the worst, and hope for the best." The last thing I want while travelling is to have a sick child. Even worse than that is having a sick child and not having any of the medical necessities and/or conveniences to help alleviate any common discomforts or maladies that could arise. With them or even with yourself! While some prefer to travel without having the minimal extra bulk in their suitcase, I personally prefer to bring some supplies with me. We don't always know what is or isn't available at our destination, and what store hours would be there. Most of us know darn well that symptoms typically strike in the middle of the night and/or when it's the least convenient. And when it comes to infants, toddlers and other children, it's not a risk or inconvenience that I am willing to take, especially when travelling abroad!

Here's my suggested list of items to bring when travelling out of country with your kidlets: 

• Band Aids/Gauze.           
• Polysporin Ointment.
• Infant/Children's Tylenol or Advil, depending on your child's age. You might want to also pack some for yourself!  
• An oral syringe and/or medicine cup. I would pack two in case you lose one.
• Rectal pain reliever suppositories in case of severe vomiting.
• Pedialyte or other pediatric oral electrolyte solution (Some stores sell small bottles in a 4 or 6-pack.)   
• Children's Benadryl/Claritin or other appropriate anti-histamine in case of allergic reaction or hives.
• Calamine lotion for bug bites and hives.
• Epi-Pen if your child requires one.
• Puffers for any of you that may need them.
• Aloe vera gel in case of sunburn.
• Diaper rash cream.
• Baby powder.
• Pepto Bismol for you in case of tummy upset.
• Imodium or other anti-diarrheal medication for you. Is there ever a good time for diarrhea? Check out this hilarious commercial, which proves my point!  
• Extra hats for everyone.
• Extra sunscreen for everyone.
• Thermometer for fevers.
• A miniature first aid book if you are not familiar with first aid training.  
• Embassy and/or Consulate contact information at your destination. For a list of Canadian embassies & consulates around the world, click here. Leave a copy of it at home with your emergency contact should it be needed, along with your itinerary, flight information and where you will be staying. 
• Look into attending travel clinics to inquire if you and/or your children would benefit from any  immunizations specific to your destination. (Some family doctors do this as well, and fees may apply.)
• Document the emergency number equivalent to our 9-1-1 system for ambulance or medical services while there. 
• Do not, I repeat, do not forget to bring your travel insurance information with you if you have purchased it, or have it through your workplace or credit card benefits. With kids, this is something I highly recommend purchasing when travelling out of country! 

Have I forgotten something? Is there a particular item that you never leave home without when travelling? If so, be sure to share! 

Bon voyage!

***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****

   

20 Ways to Childproof External Doors In Your Home‏

   

In light of the passing of little Elijah Marsh today, I thought it important to offer ideas on how we can optimize the security of our children when it comes to the risk of them wandering away unbeknownst

to a parent or caregiver. I offer these ideas out of need to help others prevent something like this from ever happening again. I do not offer these suggestions to lay blame. The truth is, no one knows what exactly happened except for the family and the investigating officers. This is not the first time a child has wandered out of a home in the middle of the night. It could happen to anyone. It is not for us to judge. It is not for us to criticize. We do not know all the facts, nor do we need to. What is for us though, in my opinion at least, is to take this catastrophe and learn from it. What can we do in our homes to prevent this from happening to our children? What are our caregivers and daycare providers doing to ensure that this does not happen with children in their care? Focusing on this aspect of this heartbreaking situation reminds us to be proactive and raises awareness across the board on childproofing our homes. 

Below, you will find 20 tips on childproofing your external doors. I have attached some links for the purpose of illustration only. I am NOT recommending any of these products. They are simply to give an example of the type of childproofing products that are out there. You will need to do your own research as to what is a safe and effective product for your specific needs. 

• If your young child sleeps with their door open, utilize a baby gate that can be put between the 2 door jambs so that your child cannot get out of their room without you letting them out. 
• If they are the type of child that can climb over a standard baby gate that is placed between the bedroom door jambs at night, evaluate to see if you could safely install a taller baby gate that is designed for the top of the stairs if you have a multi level  home. This way, they wouldn't be able to get downstairs. If you live in a bungalow or single story apartment, check around to see if you can find a taller baby gate that you could affix in the hallway. You would be able to close it at nighttime so that they can't get out of the bedroom areas of your dwelling.
• If they sleep with the door closed, find a childproof door handle cover that you can put on the inside of their bedroom door so that they cannot open it while in their room at night. 
• Don't throw out that old baby monitor! Utilize it at night to be sure that you wake up if they are up & about. 
• If you have a typical round doorknob, place a childproof cover on the inside handles of any doors that lead outside or into the garage. You can also find lever handle childproof covers. 
• Purchase a door alarm that will emit sound if any of the external doors are opened.
• Consider installing a chain lock at the very top of your door so that if they do actually manage to open it up, they can't get it open very far. Be sure though, that there is not enough room for them to slip through. 
• Consider installing a hotel-style door lock. Like idea #7, be sure it's installed high enough and that they cannot fit through the gap when the door is opened in the lock position. 
• There are other metal door locks that can assist in keeping external doors closed. Here is another one. 
• For patio style doors, you can utilize a 2x4 piece of wood that is doctored to jam the patio door so that someone cannot break into the house using that door, and is also snug enough that a little one wouldn't be able to remove it. Be sure though that it is functional for an adult to get in and out so that it does not pose a fire hazard. 
• Install a deadbolt at the top of the door.
• Put a bell or bells at the top of the door that would make noise when it is opened. You could always utilize jingle bells like you'd find at Christmas time. Just be sure that they are loud enough to be heard in your bedroom.  
• Install a shop keeper's style bell that will make a loud enough noise when the door opens that you would hear it in your bedroom. 
• Use a strong & sturdy hook & eye lock installed high on the door. 
• Have a conversation with your children about the dangers of opening up the doors on their own. It likely won't stop them from doing this, but it plants the seed. 
• See if you can find any child appropriate cartoon episodes or online videos that help teach kids about the dangers of opening up doors or going outside by themselves. 
• When installing any locking devices on the external doors, be sure that you do it as high as possible at the top of the door so that they cannot reach it even if they were standing on a chair or stool. 
• Do your best not to let them see how you unlock or unlatch any locking mechanisms, so that they don't learn how to do it themselves. 
• Be mindful of what your child has learned to do over time so that you can change your childproofing methods if you feel or think they might know how to defeat them. 
• Don't be afraid to ask any caregivers and/or daycare providers how they ensure that a child does not wander out while in their care. 

Have I missed anything? If so, please comment below. 

***Like with any products, make sure you do your due diligence to ensure that the product you are interested in is safe and effective for your needs. Read reviews online and do you research. As stated before, I am NOT recommending any of these products and know nothing about them specifically. They are for illustration purposes only. 

Hug your little ones a little tighter tonight and may Elijah rest in peace. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his loved ones tonight and always.

***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****

   

Medieval Times Is Revelry At Its Best!

   

We recently visited Medieval Times Toronto to see the 2-hour family-friendly live action horse & knight competition show, and to enjoy the 4-course meal that is included the ticket price. From the moment you enter, you are treated like royalty. Though the dress code for attendees is casual, being referred to as  "My Lord" and "My Lady", and seeing all the decor and costumes makes you almost feel like you are actually part of an 11th century tournament!

I want to start off by letting everyone know that they will be having a BOGO promotion from March 1st to April 6th, 2015! They also typically have a number of other special offers throughout the calendar year, and Canadian & U.S. military are also eligible for discounts. Military discounts need to be booked through local bases as these types of discounts are not offered at the box office. Always check for specials & promos! Why pay more if you don't have to?!

The Toronto Castle is part of the Toronto Exhibition Place, and is the only Medieval Times venue here in Canada. It is also the largest of all of their castles in North America, and seats 1,400 people!  

Although free parking is available at their U.S. locations, you will need to pay for parking if you plan to park at this particular venue. The day we visited, the cost was $11 and was cash only. It might cost more in the summer months and/or during special holidays like March Break. It would be nice if those in charge of the parking lot had signage posted advising that it is cash only before or immediately after pulling in. We didn't realize it would be cash only until we got right near the parking attendant's booth where it was posted. Thankfully I had just enough cash on me to cover the cost, otherwise I would have had to turn around and find an ATM before returning to wait in the parking line again. Once you park your vehicle, you walk over to the front of the building. There was a short period where we had to wait outside in line for about 10 minutes to get in the actual building. If you have little ones, be sure they are dressed for the weather if it is cold or inclement. We almost left our coats in the car, but I'm glad we didn't as it was quite cold with the windchills the day we were there. 

Admission tickets for this location are $69.95 for adults and $49.95 for children 3yrs - 12yrs of age. (Admission prices do not include the taxes, gratuities, and/or processing fees which may apply.) Children 2yrs & under are admitted free of charge if they can sit on your lap for the duration of the show and eat from your plate. If you think they might need their own seat for part of the show, you can request a high chair. This can be provided free of charge as long as there is an open seat next to where you will be sitting (meaning no one has purchased that seat), and they will still need to eat off of your plate. If there is no room at your table, then it won't be provided unless you are paying for the seat, assuming that the show is not sold out. I would suggest you mention this need when checking in to get your seat assignment so that they can accommodate you to the best of their ability by placing you in a section that might have more space available so you don't end up having to pay the extra admission price. If you do end up having to pay for the additional seat, then a separate meal will be provided for your child. If you can get a highchair at no additional cost, I suggest you do so as the seating is quite close together. If you need a high chair then you probably have a diaper bag or something similar with you and would benefit from the extra space to store your items comfortably during the event.  Luckily, it seems that most seats would have a good vantage point, so your experience shouldn't be dampened if you had to choose a corner section to accommodate a high chair. Upgrades to the King's Royalty Package, the Royalty Package, and/or the Celebration Package are available at an additional cost. They offer things like VIP first row seating, programs, banners, DVDs and more.  

Showtimes vary, and specific dates and times are listed on their calendar. Most shows though, are on the weekend starting at 4:30pm & 7:30pm. The castle doors open 75 minutes before the show starts. It's best to get there when the doors open, or as soon as possible thereafter for the best seating, because it is first come, first served. Once you present your tickets, you are provided with a table number. You then get your crown based on your table number and can take a picture with the King for an additional cost if it is not already included in an upgraded package. You are then whisked into The Hall of Arms where you can browse the gift shops, purchase cocktails from the bar, view the horses, watch a knighting ceremony and take pictures with the master falconer and his bird of prey. 

When it's time for the dinner and show to start, you will be called to your table by the colour of your crown. The colour of your crown and seating area dictates which of the 6 knights you will be cheering for. While dinner is being served, the show begins and continues throughout the meal. 

The meal, which if you hadn't already heard about, gets eaten with your hands. It consists of four courses, and everyone, including children, gets the same thing and the same sized portion. Each meal consists of tomato bisque soup, oven roasted chicken, a pork spare rib, garlic bread, and an herb-roasted potato. There is a full bar service that offers alcoholic beverages at an additional cost. The drinks included in the cost of the meal are fountain pop and water, as well as tea and coffee. The latter of which is served with a pastry turnover for dessert.  I found the food to be a bit bland but was well cooked. The chicken practically fell right off the bone. I would imagine that with catering to the masses and different age groups, one would have to be more cautious with seasonings and spices. If you have little ones or someone in your group that would require utensils, you are permitted to bring your own cutlery. Starting March 1st, 2015, they will begin to offer the same meal as mentioned, but with corn on the cob instead of the pork spare rib. 

It would be nice if they had a separate child's menu that catered more to their tastes and preferences. My son only ate the garlic bread, a bite or two of the chicken and to no surprise, the dessert. Vegetarian & halal meals are also available and can be requested when booking in upon arrival, or by leaving a comment when booking online. The vegetarian meals consist of hummus, warm pita bread, carrot & celery sticks, 3-bean tomato & brown rice stew and fresh fruit or Italian ice. If I were to do it again, I would order one vegetarian meal for one of us, and one regular meal for the other. This way, I could split it up so that my child would be able to eat some veggies and have other options seeing as he is not a big meat eater, like most kids his age. The halal meals consist of everything offered with the regular meal, with halal chicken being served instead. The portions are big, so be sure to ask for a take-out container to bring any leftovers home. I did this and used our leftover chicken to make chicken soup the next day. Now that's bang for your buck! 

The horses are beautiful and so talented! The training and skill that they have is truly amazing and especially impressive to watch if you grew up in the city and/or did not have exposure to horses and what they can do. These horses are raised & trained at the Medieval Times' 240-acre Chapel Creek Ranch in northeastern Texas before moving to one of the castles at 3 years of age. The knights are also trained at this ranch. Their horsemanship skills in action are equally impressive. The show's plot is set in medieval Spain and features 6 knights competing against each other using live jousting, sword fighting, hand to hand combat with medieval weapons & dramatic equestrian skill! While cheering on your knight, be prepared to see lances splinter to pieces and see sparks flying off of clashing swords! Try to catch your knight's eye, and you might just be lucky enough to have him bestow a flower upon you. There is also a bird of prey segment in the show. 

The competition is in an enclosed area similar to a ring you'd see at a typical horse show. Those with allergies to horses, dust, or suffering from other respiratory issues such as asthma will be attending at their own risk as the seating is wrapped around the ring. We sat right in the front row, and while I don't have any allergies, I didn't find it to be dusty at all. In fact, when I first sat down at our table, I wondered if that would actually be the case seeing as we were so close to the ring, but it was not. Just be aware of this though, in case you or someone in your party visiting the event might have a particular sensitivity to any of this.  

If you plan on attending with children under the age of 4yrs or with someone who is sensitive to loud noise, be sure to bring noise suppression ear protection for them. The noise level in the facility from the sound system and the cheering can be quite loud and would be comparable to that of being in a loud movie theatre. I don't think ear plugs would cut it with the little ones. Most young children would likely find this to be too loud, but would probably be able to enjoy the show with the proper ear protection to dull down the boisterous fanfare. It would be nice if Medieval Times sold them at the venue for those that weren't aware or forgot to bring them. There are also strobe lights and pyrotechnic special effects that could be bothersome to those who suffer from photosensitivity or the like. For all of these reasons, I would not recommend this event for infants or young toddlers. For the masses though, it's unique, fun and exciting! 

To buy tickets, you can purchase in advance online, or in person at the box office. For further information, give them a call at 1-888-WE-JOUST.

***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****