Explaining Death to Children

   

With the heartbreaking deaths of 3 young children along with the grandfather this past weekend at the hands of a drunk driver, I wanted to share a resource that might help you when talking to your children about death. 

To the parents and family members of these children and their grandfather, I wish you peace and solace at this most difficult and unimaginable time. May each one of these angels rest in peace. My heart breaks for you. 

Explaining death to anyone is a hard topic to take on, especially when you're trying to explain it to children.

How do you explain something that you yourself aren't factually sure about? No matter your belief, the truth is, that no one present here on earth really knows what happens when we pass. So if that's the case, how on earth do you begin to answer what happens when little ones pose the question? What do you say if you aren't religious? 

I lost my mother quite a few years ago to a debilitating terminal illness. I struggled to understand why this would happen to her. What would really happen when she passed on? Though I still don't know the answer to those questions, I, as well as my family members found solace in a story about waterbugs & dragonflies which was shared at her funeral. 

While the story was originally written for children, it also gave me comfort as a new adult. In addition, it has given my family the dragonfly - our symbol to remember her by and to remind us that she really is watching over us. Whether it's a dragonfly ornament on our Christmas tree or seeing a dragonfly pass by outside, it's a reminder that she's with us. I think that can be very comforting to a child who has lost a loved one. I can't tell you how many times we've had pleasantly odd things happen involving a dragonfly. Whether it's a complete coincidence, or she is sending us a message that she's still around, we appreciate the feelings of comfort that these moments spark.  

I love that the story helps put death into perspective for youngsters. That it can provide them with moments of comfort, knowing that their loves ones are watching over them. 

If you find yourself needing to address concerns, worries or upset in your children, consider this story as an option: 

Waterbugs & Dragonflies: Explaining Death To Young Children - by Doris Stickney

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

“Look!” said one of the water bugs to another. “One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?” Up, up, up it slowly went….Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight.

Its friends waited and waited but it didn’t return…

“That’s funny!” said one water bug to another.

“Wasn’t she happy here?” asked a second…

“Where do you suppose she went?” wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together.

“I have an idea”. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.

“We promise”, they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above. When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn’t believe what he saw.

A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings…The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: “The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why.”

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water…

“I can’t return!” he said in dismay. “At least, I tried. But I can’t keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I’ll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they’ll understand what has happened to me, and where I went.”

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air…….

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