Have you ever been frustrated with your kids? Have you ever felt like they were wearing you down? Even if they weren't trying to do this on purpose, they were succeeding regardless of their intentions?
Same goes for us! In fact, just this morning both of our kids were up at 4am! If it ain't one, then it's definitely the other, and we are both so tired!! We groaned this morning when being woken up by our one son asking if he could go downstairs to play. Really? What part of 4am did he think was play time?
Watch out everyone, they were born to get us! LOL
Here are 8 signs that your children might be trying to kill you too!
1) Sleep Deprivation - It's not a coincidence that this one is listed first! It's the absolute worst way our kids are trying to torture us! Some wake up early, some won't go to bed, some wake up multiple times through the nights... You know what I'm talking about! Then you throw in some kids who have night terrors, screaming like mad only even they aren't awake - just you!
2) Strategically Leaving Toys Around The House - There's nothing like stepping on a piece of Lego, or a dinky car (or for those of you with daughters, maybe it's a Barbie purse or other deadly accessory!) in the middle of the night when dealing with issue #1! Or when you turn the lights out and are heading upstairs to bed! It's like they are just waiting there at the top of the stairs... Waiting for you to curse or let out a blood curdling scream that wakes them up if they weren't already awake, all so they can giggle at you!
3) A Punch To The Crotch (A.K.A. Birth Control) - For those Dads out there, you know what I'm talking about! Little toddlers running around and clocking you right in the gonads. Not on purpose of course, as they can't control their impulses at that age. Or can they? Is it a secret conspiracy to make sure you don't reproduce any competition? Or are they just excited to see you? And if they have an older sibling, was it their idea? Conspiracy I tell ya!
4) Exposing Parents to Biohazardous Materials - Whether it's a sick kid who pukes on you, craps on you, or sneezes and coughs on you, they're out to get us! Have you ever seen a kid crap on you or throw up on you (or around you) at a convenient time? Nope! It's all a huge nasty surprise!
5) Causing Injury To Us While Picking Them Up - Have you ever seen someone ergonomically pick up their child? I haven't! I'm not so sure it's possible to pick them up the way you'd pick up a heavy box. Never mind a toddler who's throwing a tantrum and you have flailing limbs in your face! And Dads beware of those flailing feet! All I know is I've pulled more than one muscle in my back through the years of a being a parent and not only have I suffered pain, I've had to pay for a chiropractor to fix it!
6) Preventing Us From Eating Or Getting Nutrition - If I had a nickel for every time my meal has been interrupted by one of our kids, I'd be rich! Whether it's because they're done first, don't like what you made, whether they've just accidentally (or even worse - purposely!) spilled something all over the floor, spilled their drink, you forgot to put ketchup on the table, your baby needs to breastfeed, or one of the other multitude of reasons! Or that you are so tired, that you just want to shove down the 1st food item you see, regardless of its nutritional make-up.
7) Refusal To Let A Parent Sit Down - Have you ever been just about to plant your butt cheeks onto the couch to sit down and finally take a "break", only to be bombarded by your kids out of nowhere? I'm telling you, as soon as they see you start to sit down (or God forbid, lie down!) they're on to you!
1) Sleep Deprivation - It's not a coincidence that this one is listed first! It's the absolute worst way our kids are trying to torture us! Some wake up early, some won't go to bed, some wake up multiple times through the nights... You know what I'm talking about! Then you throw in some kids who have night terrors, screaming like mad only even they aren't awake - just you!
2) Strategically Leaving Toys Around The House - There's nothing like stepping on a piece of Lego, or a dinky car (or for those of you with daughters, maybe it's a Barbie purse or other deadly accessory!) in the middle of the night when dealing with issue #1! Or when you turn the lights out and are heading upstairs to bed! It's like they are just waiting there at the top of the stairs... Waiting for you to curse or let out a blood curdling scream that wakes them up if they weren't already awake, all so they can giggle at you!
3) A Punch To The Crotch (A.K.A. Birth Control) - For those Dads out there, you know what I'm talking about! Little toddlers running around and clocking you right in the gonads. Not on purpose of course, as they can't control their impulses at that age. Or can they? Is it a secret conspiracy to make sure you don't reproduce any competition? Or are they just excited to see you? And if they have an older sibling, was it their idea? Conspiracy I tell ya!
4) Exposing Parents to Biohazardous Materials - Whether it's a sick kid who pukes on you, craps on you, or sneezes and coughs on you, they're out to get us! Have you ever seen a kid crap on you or throw up on you (or around you) at a convenient time? Nope! It's all a huge nasty surprise!
5) Causing Injury To Us While Picking Them Up - Have you ever seen someone ergonomically pick up their child? I haven't! I'm not so sure it's possible to pick them up the way you'd pick up a heavy box. Never mind a toddler who's throwing a tantrum and you have flailing limbs in your face! And Dads beware of those flailing feet! All I know is I've pulled more than one muscle in my back through the years of a being a parent and not only have I suffered pain, I've had to pay for a chiropractor to fix it!
6) Preventing Us From Eating Or Getting Nutrition - If I had a nickel for every time my meal has been interrupted by one of our kids, I'd be rich! Whether it's because they're done first, don't like what you made, whether they've just accidentally (or even worse - purposely!) spilled something all over the floor, spilled their drink, you forgot to put ketchup on the table, your baby needs to breastfeed, or one of the other multitude of reasons! Or that you are so tired, that you just want to shove down the 1st food item you see, regardless of its nutritional make-up.
7) Refusal To Let A Parent Sit Down - Have you ever been just about to plant your butt cheeks onto the couch to sit down and finally take a "break", only to be bombarded by your kids out of nowhere? I'm telling you, as soon as they see you start to sit down (or God forbid, lie down!) they're on to you!
8) Silence Is Not Golden - Contrary to what the song title from the 1960's implies, silence is NEVER golden! Not unless they are actually sleeping! Silence means they are up to something. Do not trust silence. I promise you, you will probably regret it if you ignore it!
If you can relate to any or all of these conspiratorial theories, then your kids might just be trying to kill you too! The crazy part is that I wouldn't have it any other way! (Although I might say so at 4am!) But once my eyes are fully open and my brain clears from the fog of extreme early morning wakings, I take them into my arms and celebrate the blessings that are my children. Here's hoping that I will get some sleep again at some point in my life! Until then, it's all about survival mode and enjoying every moment of it! :)
***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****
***** These views are mine, and mine alone. As with anything, you are responsible for assessing whether this item and/or activity is safe and suitable for your specific needs. InfoMommy does not make any warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, and assumes no responsibility and/or liability for any actions taken as a result of this blog post.*****
